Finding Rewards in Seemingly Unrewarding Circumstances

Working at a tutoring academy these past few months has not exactly been a walk in the park. I’ve had to adjust to large classes of rowdy students who don’t want to be there, an administration that lacks communication with their teachers, and expectations to submit grades and reports that I don’t really believe are important. If you think this sounds like school, you’re absolutely right. I feel bad for the kids who stay here all day against their will, as if school wasn’t enough.

But despite all of these drawbacks, I’ve begun to see some rewards from my time here. Sure, they hate grammar and their writing progress is slow, but as I build relationships with them, they’re beginning to trust me not only to ask questions but to share about their lives and interests. They’re silly and ridiculously rowdy sometimes, but they respect me enough to get back on task when I ask them to do their work (most of the time). And though I don’t know them well, there are those who include me in their conversations and aren’t self-conscious talking about their crushes, friendship issues, or stupid jokes.

One of the most significant changes I saw in a student was one whom I initially thought was so disrespectful. He would blatantly ignore me when I told him to do his work and would constantly challenge everything I said. After one incident where he literally spit on the floor while going over corrections with me in class, I confronted him about his behavior. However frustrated I was, I didn’t yell at him, discipline him, or threaten to send him to the admins. I just asked: why?

After the Master’s Degree (Pt. 2): The Job Search

After a week or two of celebrating graduation, the reality of unemployment came roaring back in full force. I have never been very successful at finding a job right away, and my focus has been very distracted with school and family issues taking up all the space in my mind. At first, I was fine with the slow process and occasional rejection letters. I had a good interview though I didn’t get the job, but I wasn’t disheartened or too discouraged by it. More would come.

Now a month has gone by and the initial panic is starting to set in. I write endless cover letters that are starting to blend together and send resumes into the void of the Internet called Edjoin. I can’t help but compare myself to others who’ve gotten jobs right away or have tons of interviews lined up. I question my self-worth and wonder if there’s something wrong with me that keeps me from getting any offers. Once again, I am on this journey where I can only see the day of job applications ahead of me and nothing else.

In short: job searching is depressing. 

I know that my self-worth is not and should not be attached to a career path or how many interviews I’m able to score, but I can’t help it. I can’t help but compare myself to others no matter how much I tell myself not to, no matter how I try to distract myself. Despite all of the advice and help I’ve received in this process, I can’t quite figure out what I’m doing wrong. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

Sometimes it’s invigorating not having the future mapped out, but at times like this, it’s scary.

I would have hoped that by twenty-seven I would have had it all together, but life continues to throw me for a loop. Let’s be real: getting another expensive degree does not guarantee a job. It should, but it doesn’t. I wish we didn’t treat it as though it does.

But–and here’s the silver lining–as I have seen over and over again these past several years, timing is everything. So, I guess that means I just have to wait. And apply. And wait some more. I guess I’ll read some books or something while I’m at it.

If you have job searching tips, leave a reply below! I would love to hear your thoughts.

After the Master’s Degree: Foggy Future, Presently Proud

Just five years ago, I never would have imagined I would pursue a Master’s degree. Since childhood, I always earned mediocre grades, hated being told what to do or believe, felt suffocated by rigid schedules, and never liked learning in a classroom. I couldn’t wait until I graduated from college and would never have to return to school again. But, as fate would have it, I made the choice to pursue more education. I mean, I guess school isn’t terribly abhorrent.

This week, I officially graduated from University of San Diego’s M.A. program, and I feel pretty spectacular about it. The past two years have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I can now say that I am a Master and a credentialed school counselor. A quote from Socrates sums up my entire graduate school experience perfectly:

Let him that would move the world first move himself.

The amount of self-reflection that goes into counselor education is incredible, but I feel prepared. I’ve got my practical work hours, my counseling skills, my newly minted counselor friends, and connections. The only thing I need now is a job.

And, once again, I don’t know where I’m headed next. 

It’s strange being in the same position I was five years ago after graduating from college, yet the feeling is so different (you can read about one of my post-college existential crises here). Then, I was confused about what I wanted to do, frustrated with the job market and my home situation, and struggling with what I wanted to focus on in a career. This time, I know what I want. I have the experience I need. I know my worth, and I know what I am capable of.

Even though life is an endless journey of self-discovery and learning, right now I know myself better than I ever have, and that is something of which I am proud. Before, no matter what I had accomplished, I was always so focused on the next step or making everyone else around me happy that I didn’t let myself just bask in and enjoy the present moments of celebration. Now that I am older and know better, I’m recognizing how important it is to soak in and process all the highs and lows before life moves on as it always does.

I don’t know where I will be going in the next few months, but somehow I don’t feel stressed or worried about it. I’m not having an existential crisis about the future (yet)–God knows I’ve had enough of them in my twenties to last a lifetime. No, instead I am focusing on the present moment: allowing myself to be proud of what I have accomplished and appreciating the people I care about that have supported me so much. All of us graduates should be so proud of our hard work and take the time to party it up!

A post like this must end with my favorite quote from Paulo Coelho–words that have shaped my perspective on life so much these past several years:

I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

The Problem with Education

The deeper I get into the educational field, the less I like what I see. It goes without saying that children are meant to be protected, nurtured, and cherished whether they’re five or eighteen. Yet what I see to be the trend with public schools now in America is not so much nurturing and educating the future generations, but meeting the mark.

Education vs. Experience

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been told that education is important: it is the instruction manual to life; the key to communication between people; that which dictates everything else we do in this world. It sounds great and inspiring, doesn’t it? But when I look for jobs, I find more and more the key word that bars me from finding work: experience.