Finding Rewards in Seemingly Unrewarding Circumstances

Working at a tutoring academy these past few months has not exactly been a walk in the park. I’ve had to adjust to large classes of rowdy students who don’t want to be there, an administration that lacks communication with their teachers, and expectations to submit grades and reports that I don’t really believe are important. If you think this sounds like school, you’re absolutely right. I feel bad for the kids who stay here all day against their will, as if school wasn’t enough.

But despite all of these drawbacks, I’ve begun to see some rewards from my time here. Sure, they hate grammar and their writing progress is slow, but as I build relationships with them, they’re beginning to trust me not only to ask questions but to share about their lives and interests. They’re silly and ridiculously rowdy sometimes, but they respect me enough to get back on task when I ask them to do their work (most of the time). And though I don’t know them well, there are those who include me in their conversations and aren’t self-conscious talking about their crushes, friendship issues, or stupid jokes.

One of the most significant changes I saw in a student was one whom I initially thought was so disrespectful. He would blatantly ignore me when I told him to do his work and would constantly challenge everything I said. After one incident where he literally spit on the floor while going over corrections with me in class, I confronted him about his behavior. However frustrated I was, I didn’t yell at him, discipline him, or threaten to send him to the admins. I just asked: why?

After the Master’s Degree (Pt. 2): The Job Search

After a week or two of celebrating graduation, the reality of unemployment came roaring back in full force. I have never been very successful at finding a job right away, and my focus has been very distracted with school and family issues taking up all the space in my mind. At first, I was fine with the slow process and occasional rejection letters. I had a good interview though I didn’t get the job, but I wasn’t disheartened or too discouraged by it. More would come.

Now a month has gone by and the initial panic is starting to set in. I write endless cover letters that are starting to blend together and send resumes into the void of the Internet called Edjoin. I can’t help but compare myself to others who’ve gotten jobs right away or have tons of interviews lined up. I question my self-worth and wonder if there’s something wrong with me that keeps me from getting any offers. Once again, I am on this journey where I can only see the day of job applications ahead of me and nothing else.

In short: job searching is depressing. 

I know that my self-worth is not and should not be attached to a career path or how many interviews I’m able to score, but I can’t help it. I can’t help but compare myself to others no matter how much I tell myself not to, no matter how I try to distract myself. Despite all of the advice and help I’ve received in this process, I can’t quite figure out what I’m doing wrong. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

Sometimes it’s invigorating not having the future mapped out, but at times like this, it’s scary.

I would have hoped that by twenty-seven I would have had it all together, but life continues to throw me for a loop. Let’s be real: getting another expensive degree does not guarantee a job. It should, but it doesn’t. I wish we didn’t treat it as though it does.

But–and here’s the silver lining–as I have seen over and over again these past several years, timing is everything. So, I guess that means I just have to wait. And apply. And wait some more. I guess I’ll read some books or something while I’m at it.

If you have job searching tips, leave a reply below! I would love to hear your thoughts.

After the Master’s Degree: Foggy Future, Presently Proud

Just five years ago, I never would have imagined I would pursue a Master’s degree. Since childhood, I always earned mediocre grades, hated being told what to do or believe, felt suffocated by rigid schedules, and never liked learning in a classroom. I couldn’t wait until I graduated from college and would never have to return to school again. But, as fate would have it, I made the choice to pursue more education. I mean, I guess school isn’t terribly abhorrent.

This week, I officially graduated from University of San Diego’s M.A. program, and I feel pretty spectacular about it. The past two years have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I can now say that I am a Master and a credentialed school counselor. A quote from Socrates sums up my entire graduate school experience perfectly:

Let him that would move the world first move himself.

The amount of self-reflection that goes into counselor education is incredible, but I feel prepared. I’ve got my practical work hours, my counseling skills, my newly minted counselor friends, and connections. The only thing I need now is a job.

And, once again, I don’t know where I’m headed next. 

It’s strange being in the same position I was five years ago after graduating from college, yet the feeling is so different (you can read about one of my post-college existential crises here). Then, I was confused about what I wanted to do, frustrated with the job market and my home situation, and struggling with what I wanted to focus on in a career. This time, I know what I want. I have the experience I need. I know my worth, and I know what I am capable of.

Even though life is an endless journey of self-discovery and learning, right now I know myself better than I ever have, and that is something of which I am proud. Before, no matter what I had accomplished, I was always so focused on the next step or making everyone else around me happy that I didn’t let myself just bask in and enjoy the present moments of celebration. Now that I am older and know better, I’m recognizing how important it is to soak in and process all the highs and lows before life moves on as it always does.

I don’t know where I will be going in the next few months, but somehow I don’t feel stressed or worried about it. I’m not having an existential crisis about the future (yet)–God knows I’ve had enough of them in my twenties to last a lifetime. No, instead I am focusing on the present moment: allowing myself to be proud of what I have accomplished and appreciating the people I care about that have supported me so much. All of us graduates should be so proud of our hard work and take the time to party it up!

A post like this must end with my favorite quote from Paulo Coelho–words that have shaped my perspective on life so much these past several years:

I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

8 Lessons Learned My First Year of Grad School

I’ve successfully finished my first year of graduate school, and let me tell you, it was no walk in the park. Adjusting from working to studying was harder than I thought, but in a different way than transitioning into undergrad. If you’re in graduate school or looking to get a higher degree, here are some things I’ve learned this past year:

1. Making friends is harder than undergrad, but necessary for survival.

It’s inevitably harder because there’s a sense of competition, there aren’t countless orientations and icebreaker activities, and everyone is adapting to a more intense higher learning at their own pace. It might have been easier to have more ice-breaker sessions (because let’s be real, after the rush of orientation no one remembers anyone). But, after one year of classes with the same people and reaching out a lot more than I’m used to, I’ve found my crew and they’re pretty great. Having a support system that knows what you’re doing and can struggle with you is critical to surviving grad school. It keeps you sane, if nothing else.

Taking a Stand for a Better World

Since the school shooting in Florida, so many students around the nation have stepped up to make their voices heard against gun control. Though the incident that incited this zeal for change was tragic, it’s inspiring to see these teenagers take a stand against gun violence without being intimidated or backing down. It breaks my heart that they have to go through something like this at all, but I’m so proud to stand by them.

There was an article in the Huffpost about the Parkland students calling themselves the “mass shooting generation,” but I don’t agree. They have taken a horrific incident and made it into something more meaningful to bring hope and change to our nation. I hope the world remembers them as those who were brave enough to stand up for what they believed in and made an incredible impact even at their young age.

Yet, with all of this going on, I can’t help but wonder what my generation will be known for. Us Millennials seem to be a huge topic of confusion and controversy, especially for older folks. We love to explain who we are and others love to criticize us for our egocentrism. I mean, who do you think created social media sites and the idea of selfies? I’ve read so many posts about what others think Millennials really want, how frivolously we live our lives, how self-centered we seem to be–it makes us sound like the Romantics from the 1800s.

Seeing students today changing the government and the world in their way, I have to ask myself: are we changing the world for the better? These students are the next generation, but here we are, the Millennials, as the young adults who hold the power in this world right now. Am I making a difference in what I do? Or am I just focused on doing what I feel, celebrating my individuality and “you do you” instead of coming together with others for a worthwhile cause?

The Joys of Returning to School

At this point in my life, I had imagined I would be finished with school after seventeen years of it, maybe put my degree on a stick and wave it around to show everyone “I did it!” “I’m an adult!” “Give me a job!”

Yeah, wishful thinking on my part.

I’m in my first semester of graduate school and it’s been a serious trip. It’s not easy going back to full-time school after working and enjoying life for the past three years. Immersing myself into the world of academia, missing the comforts of home, adjusting to a new city and classmates, and learning material I wish I’d at least exposed myself to in undergrad has been (just a tad) overwhelming.

My college degree and my graduate program have zilch in common, so most of the time I feel like I need to do some major catching up.

11 Lessons Learned While Teaching Abroad

1. Being abroad is not all a walk in the park. The stereotypical expat life is glorified by the media and other Americans to encourage Millennials like me to drop everything and embark on some whirlwind adventure. But that’s not always the case. When you move to a foreign country on your own, it’s tough, lonely at times, and difficult to stay afloat financially. It gets easier as you adapt, but sacrifices have to be made and you learn to cut out the unnecessary things in life.

2. Keeping up friendships long-distance can be difficult (and I’m horrible at it), but with enough hard work and initiative from both parties, it can be done. I’m thankful for the friends who have taken the time to check in on me and continued to share their lives despite the distance and time. It makes those friendships that much sweeter.

3. You learn to enjoy life day-by-day. Long lunch breaks during the day are the norm in Italy; working overtime is practically a sin. And you know, they seem to have it right. I’ve learned to take a step back and enjoy my coffee without thinking constantly of what I need to do next and feeling anxious. As they say, “che sarà, sarà.”

4. It’s nothing like studying abroad. 

Teaching & Being Thankful

You think you know a subject until you actually have to teach it, and it was one thing having a classroom of students who already speak the language.

Here in Florence, I’m learning how to communicate largely without my words, explain grammar concepts I might not even completely understand myself, and trust that talking at my students in English week by week will one day bring some lightbulb moments in their understanding. Sometimes I just want to hit my head against the wall in frustration, and I’m sure they feel similarly (and it’s only January!).

The Problem with Education

The deeper I get into the educational field, the less I like what I see. It goes without saying that children are meant to be protected, nurtured, and cherished whether they’re five or eighteen. Yet what I see to be the trend with public schools now in America is not so much nurturing and educating the future generations, but meeting the mark.

Things I Miss About My Liberal Arts College

Nostalgia comes like a drizzle and all I have to do is hop onto Facebook and suddenly it becomes a torrent. Small town. Hipsters. Artists. Nature. Brilliant people in one congregated space. College is only for four years, but at the same time it was four years of so much stimulation and intense learning that I felt cold and naked once that bubble was popped.