A few years ago, I wrote this post after reading an open letter in the Huffington Post about Millennial evangelical church leaders. I never posted it because it didn’t seem fitting for this blog, but at this point in my life, it’s just as important to me as job searching and something I can’t not share if I’m going to remain honest about my twenties experiences.
In the HuffPost article, the writers told their brief testimony of how risky it was to give up their stable jobs and social statuses to pursue ministry full-time and how, in the capitalistic society we live in, it’s not even a career that is commended by other Millennials. Their article was snarky and brutally honest (two attributes I ardently appreciate) about the realities of being a leader in church, and they addressed the same doubts and feelings I’d had ever since I started serving at my own church.
As leaders, no matter how hard we try to do our best for others, it seems like someone is always complaining or getting disillusioned or being hurt by someone else. It’s easy to become discouraged, too, after pouring one’s heart into people who take advantage of it and don’t bother to reciprocate, or working with people who only seem to bring drama, gossip, and dissension into the groups they join. Why “play church” when we can be using our time anywhere else and be appreciated for it?
But when I begin to wonder, “Is this all worth it? Am I really doing something significant with my time?” I have to remember that serving in church is not about me.
Oswald Chambers hit the nail on the head in his book, So I Send You:
“Discouragement is ‘disenchanted egotism.’ ‘Things are not happening in the way I expected they would, therefore I am going to give it all up.’ To talk like that is a sure sign that we are not possessed by love for Him, but only by love for ourselves. Discouragement always comes when we insist on having our own way.”
When I am discouraged by church, am I disappointed because I am not satisfied with the result that I tried so hard to bring about? (That entire sentence clearly had four “I’s” and zero “God’s.” Go figure.)
What the open HuffPost letter left out, perhaps because the writers had hoped to engage a wider audience, was the real reason any of us are called to ministry in the first place. The call to be in church and serve the people is not about you or me; it’s not about the congregation. It’s not about doctrinal issues, pastors, church politics, justice, or even fairness. It’s about Jesus Christ. Everything else is secondary.
Just the title of Chambers’s famous devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) reminds me why I am still serving. It’s not to win people, fame, glory, or even stability; it’s to give my all for someone who gave me life and a purpose in this world. When I gave my life to God, I wasn’t giving it to build community or to be changed or to gain grace: it was to do whatever God leads me to do, whether that be to help people through counseling, go to a different country and share the Gospel, or love the other Christians around me that I’ve avoided for so long.
Simply living a spiritual life on my own is not enough. Though it’s tough sometimes, I serve because something within me won’t let me quit or stand idly by. It’s not all about me and what I can get out of it, it’s about doing whatever it is Jesus calls me to do because I love and trust him; to give my utmost for his highest.
Long Live the Twenties 