Singleness (And Being OK With It)

I’ll be honest: I’m in my late twenties and I’ve been single for a good long while. When you’re twenty-one, it’s not such a shocker, but at twenty-seven, I’ve become accustomed to the love advice relayed with big, pitiful eyes. Additional comments are: “But you’re so pretty!” or “You just need to wear more makeup” or, my favorite: “They’re just scared of you” (mkay, thanks for that). But honestly, I feel lucky that I’ve never had to experience a break-up or witness the deterioration of a relationship with someone I really care about. Sure, I miss the good parts about a romantic relationship and I can see that being in love is a beautiful thing, but I just can’t muster up the desire–and maybe courage?–to commit to a relationship just yet.

I have wondered if something was wrong with me because dating and romance is just not at the forefront of my life. And there is a small part of me that wonders if I’m the problem because I don’t date casually or open up my heart to just anyone. Having unrequited crushes, being too slow to reciprocate feelings, pushing the line of friendship–I’ve been there, and it can suck feeling like nothing ever works out.

After the Master’s Degree (Pt. 2): The Job Search

After a week or two of celebrating graduation, the reality of unemployment came roaring back in full force. I have never been very successful at finding a job right away, and my focus has been very distracted with school and family issues taking up all the space in my mind. At first, I was fine with the slow process and occasional rejection letters. I had a good interview though I didn’t get the job, but I wasn’t disheartened or too discouraged by it. More would come.

Now a month has gone by and the initial panic is starting to set in. I write endless cover letters that are starting to blend together and send resumes into the void of the Internet called Edjoin. I can’t help but compare myself to others who’ve gotten jobs right away or have tons of interviews lined up. I question my self-worth and wonder if there’s something wrong with me that keeps me from getting any offers. Once again, I am on this journey where I can only see the day of job applications ahead of me and nothing else.

In short: job searching is depressing. 

I know that my self-worth is not and should not be attached to a career path or how many interviews I’m able to score, but I can’t help it. I can’t help but compare myself to others no matter how much I tell myself not to, no matter how I try to distract myself. Despite all of the advice and help I’ve received in this process, I can’t quite figure out what I’m doing wrong. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

Sometimes it’s invigorating not having the future mapped out, but at times like this, it’s scary.

I would have hoped that by twenty-seven I would have had it all together, but life continues to throw me for a loop. Let’s be real: getting another expensive degree does not guarantee a job. It should, but it doesn’t. I wish we didn’t treat it as though it does.

But–and here’s the silver lining–as I have seen over and over again these past several years, timing is everything. So, I guess that means I just have to wait. And apply. And wait some more. I guess I’ll read some books or something while I’m at it.

If you have job searching tips, leave a reply below! I would love to hear your thoughts.

Love Begins From Within

When I was in high school as a tumultuous, moody, rebellious teenager, I craved people, society, friendships, and most of all, love. Every February I would react to Valentine’s Day by either ignoring the holiday completely, bad-mouthing the redundant commercialism, or mourn at home with sad love songs and my diary. Now, as a college graduate, my family members are constantly reminding me that: